Something Muffins

Jeg har kommet over nok en broken english-bok, og har funnet noen favoritter som jeg vil dele med dere ivrige blogglesere:

You are hardly welcome. The lift is broken so you must use our traps.

Can I sit on you in the car?

I want an easy beer, please.

I come back tomorrow and screw some hookers up the wall.
(Norsk vaktmester til engelsk leietaker som ønsker seg knagger i gangen)

This is king kong Olav.
(Kong Olav blir introdusert av en amerikansk senator)

Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child.

Be in trouble. Please call 110!

Take care of green. It is impossible to walk on the lawn.

In case of emergency we have a fire upstairs. Please use extingwishers.

In order to prevent shoes from mislaying, please don’t corridor them.

Erase the lights when you do not meet in the rooms.

Lift out of order. Please use elevator.

From Monday our catering assistants will be pleased to serve customers to the vegetables.

Wanted: Man to wash dishes and two waitresses.

Little grass is smiling slightly. Please walk on pavement.

Children left unattended will be towed at the owner’s expense.

Trespassers will be eaten.
(Skilt i afrikansk naturpark)

Go soothingly on the greasy mud for therein lies the skid demon.
(Kinesisk trafikkskilt)

Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.
(Annonse i avis)

Do not use as a ladder.
(CD-stativ)

In accordance with your instructions, I have given birth to twins in the enclosed envelope.

The toilet is blocked and I can’t bath the children until it is mended.

Will you please send somebody around to mend our broken path, yesterday my wife tripped and fell and now she is pregnant.